i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
