we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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