Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize