i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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