She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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