Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
