Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
