Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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