Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
