I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
