sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize