i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
