I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
