barbara walters just said penis...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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