Where did you get a picture of my penis
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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