I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
