apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
