Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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