Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
