put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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