There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
