arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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