Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
