just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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