i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
