the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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