Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he thought i was a dude.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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