I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.