Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me. http://tfl.nu/ujwu
  Replies (21) Good night (3060) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  ...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager. (802): ...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon. http://tfl.nu/jfhq
  Replies (28) Good night (637) Bad night (2028)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night. http://tfl.nu/mqbm
  Replies (18) Good night (827) Bad night (3508)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse. http://tfl.nu/lj3p
  Replies (16) Good night (5046) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree http://tfl.nu/l7gp
  Replies (46) Good night (5936) Bad night (1829)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis. http://tfl.nu/cpy9
  Replies (35) Good night (4902) Bad night (1826)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza. http://tfl.nu/epfb
  Replies (8) Good night (2636) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator http://tfl.nu/t25w
  Replies (12) Good night (820) Bad night (2471)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball http://tfl.nu/axxp
  Replies (24) Good night (595) Bad night (2786)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient. http://tfl.nu/0squ
  Replies (1) Good night (1247) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady. http://tfl.nu/u0md
  Replies (19) Good night (2161) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony http://tfl.nu/8xhz
  Replies (1) Good night (309) Bad night (487)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth http://tfl.nu/2n2k
  Replies (1) Good night (259) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room." http://tfl.nu/y4b1
  Replies (2) Good night (569) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again http://tfl.nu/w7l0
  Replies (3) Good night (214) Bad night (623)

Randomize