The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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