these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
