Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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