I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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