Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
