You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Someone shattered a urinal.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
