so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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