that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
