The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
