u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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