True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
