So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
