My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
