Swine flu. Run for my life!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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