I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
