I'm so fucking centered right now
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
