she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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