And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sarcasm needs its own font
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
