At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
