We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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