shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
