i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
