New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
