Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
