Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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