I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
