I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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