and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
