Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
