I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
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What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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