Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
